(This is a repost of my Facebook Note posted yesterday, June 9, 2009. I believe the subject is important enough that it must be shared with those not on Facebook).

Among my endeavors is the title of Webmaster of the modern-day Gay Activists Alliance International website. (http://www.gayactivistsalliance.org). The GAAI have taken a stance along with other organizations to boycott London Pride for their lack of support of the trans-identified community. The GAAI is FULLY INCLUSIVE of trans-identified individuals.

I am a trans male. I was born female-bodied, but having the gender identity of a man. I have medically and socially adjusted my body to match my gender identity.

I’ve been around the GLBT community for 30+ years. I have seen many changes. I have seen the acronyms grow from just G to GL to GLB to GLBT and continuing on with the Q and the I ….

Forty years ago, we were ALL part of the “Gay” community. There were no separatists (*see Note below). Whether we were male, or female, nellie, flaming, butch, dyke, queen, crossdresser, transvestite, transsexual (a medical term, btw), liked men, liked women, liked both, or even were simply gender-variant – we ALL made up the Gay community.

Remembering Stonewall today requires knowing the TRUTH. The truth has been skewed and warped through the years, as our ONE community has split into its smaller fragments of acronyms.

The truth is, Stonewall was initiated by what we would NOW term the gender-variant people, or “TRANS”. There would be NO PRIDE if it weren’t for TRANS men and women.

Let me repeat this. THERE WOULD BE NO PRIDE IF IT WERE NOT FOR TRANS MEN AND WOMEN.

The truth is, the FIRST riot where we all protested has now become a forgotten piece of history – The Compton’s Cafeteria Riots”. These riots were initiated by TRANS people in San Francisco, three years BEFORE Stonewall, in 1966.

See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compton%27s_Cafeteria_Riot and www.comptonscafeteriariot.

My boy contacted me just minutes after I posted my status line this morning that said ” Life is beautiful! Be thankful, and see the beauty.” Little did I know that a miracle would be happening.

Sitting here once again, after a shopping trip with him, and the emotions are flooding. The tears streaming down my face, a sob or two sneaks its way out.

I look at the photos I’ve uploaded, I hear my boys in the other room, and I cry some more. The joy inside me is screaming its way into the room.

I go through my emails, and find another young man who writes “my life is being put thru a meat grinder, binding is as far as can go at this point, social anxiety is killing me, can’t use public restrooms, i’m scared, confused & alone”.

I cry some more, as I am trying to explain to my wife – something that doesn’t really need explained. All this started because I created a simple website. A website to give the guys a chance at something I never had.

Nearly 900 men (from 13-65), two other support sites, and now an organization later, I am humbled. And emotional. And ecstatic. And nearly speechless.

I will explain the miracle of my boy being here in our home in another note. I’m not able to write any more now, it’s way too powerful.

Seize the Day!
Michael B.

For those of you not on Facebook, I am reposting this here so you’ll know what happened when I went to Hawaii to pick up my boy earlier this month.  Thanks to all of you for the supportive comments on the Facebook note (over 30 comments). If you aren’t my friend on Facebook, be sure to add me (transmanaz@live.com)

You’ll find another update at the bottom of this posting…

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Thursday, March 12, 2009 at 7:30am
Many of you have asked how the rescue of my boy went over the past two days. Sadly, I have to tell you I was unable to bring him home.

For those who haven’t a clue what I’m talking about, you can read my blog to catch up at http://www.GenderBlogs.com/on-becoming-a-parent.

Because my boy has been emotionally (and physically) abused his whole life by a domineering, mentally unhealthy mother, I knew he’d be unable to get on a plane and fly here to Phoenix by himself.

I purchased two tickets, one for me to fly to Hawaii to get him, and one for him to fly back with me the following day. Arrangements were made for him to meet me at a specified location on Tuesday. When I arrived he, he wasn’t there.

When I called his cell phone, his mother answered. My heart dropped, and I knew it was a lost cause. The woman was a smooth talker, anyone who doesn’t know the type of person she is would’ve melted, and fully trusted what she had to say. Having been brought up by a mother just like this woman, I knew better, and it was all I could do to keep my emotions and anger inside while listening to her line of bull.

I had to listen to her tell me her “daughter” was not transgender, was emotionally disturbed, had been raped as a child and was in therapy to deal with the issue, and absolutely was forbidden to speak with me, or leave the island.

I then tried to utilize the services of the Hawaii Police, who spent a good half hour with me explaining there was absolutely nothing they could do to help. The officer did get on the phone and call my boy’s phone number, and of course the mother answered. The officer then asked to speak with my boy, and the mother handed the phone to him. She was standing right there beside him on the other end, however, so there was nothing he could tell the officer except that he was ok and it was his choice to stay in Hawaii.

I flew back home yesterday, and received an email from him. His mother had taken not only his phone, but his laptop and access to email. She had a close friend of hers, who happens to be a therapist, declare him legally “unhealthy” and unable to leave the island. My assumption is, (being that he is 18, an adult, and capable of making his own decisions) that they most likely claimed he had either attempted, or stated his intention of, harming himself. That’s the only explanation I can conceive of that would prevent his departure and legally refrain him from leaving on his own free will.

Now, just over $1100.00 spent on nothing and a day later, I am at home in Phoenix, without my boy. He is stuck on the island, with no way of leaving. No way of transitioning, nor getting any kind of support he needs as the transgender young man he is.

I am at a loss, and emotionally, mentally and financially drained. My heart hurts for this boy, for the potential for this boy, that at the moment looks like he will be unable to achieve.

For those of you who have experienced the abuse of mentally unhealthy parents, I’m sure you know the feeling, and have probably experienced the emotional brainwashing that this type of parent can do to you.

I can only ask for everyone’s prayers in this situation. Pray that he will be able to safely get off the island, and come to a welcoming home where he can safely, and accompanied by love and acceptance from my wife and I and the friends who were here waiting for him, become the man he is meant to be.

Seize the day!
Michael B.

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March 30, 2009 -

Update : Since this all happened, I have been in contact with the young man, and he has since dropped out of high school, due to his mother convincing him it was the right choice. She has also convinced him that he needs to get his GED before he can leave the island. So he is diligently studying, and hopes to take it towards the latter days of April.

He has support from a local young man here in the valley, and they’ve since formed a strong online relationship. With a lot of encouragement and support, my young man is going to attempt to leave the islands in mid-May to come here to Phoenix.

He has the total love and support of my wife and I, as well as everyone in this area who’s been following the progress. Keep him in your thoughts and prayers, that he’ll soon be able to get out from under the brainwashing he’s been subjected to in his life, and learn to live a full, healthy, happy life.

I’ll keep you all updated.

For those of you who read my writings, you’ll find this one is different than others. It’s not insightful, or humorous, or ranting about something or other. It’s simply about a situation I’ve found myself in within the last few months.

You see, I’ve been mentoring a young FtM friend online for several months now. He lives many, many miles away, in a small, unaccepting community. Over time, I’ve become quite “attached” to him. Don’t get me wrong, as much as I love this young man, I don’t let my emotions gush all over the place. I am firm with him, but understanding and supportive. I show him tough love at times, and other times I reach out across the miles and wrap my virtual arms around him when he needs to be held.

He’s not quite 18, and is a very sad situation at home. He lives with his mom, who is, well, let’s just say “mentally unstable”. The circumstances are volatile. His emotional and physical well-being are at risk on a daily basis. He has absolutely no support locally from any transgender men. I’ve looked, others have searched, and if there are FtMs in his location, then they are so stealth they are unfindable. He is totally alone in his trans existence with the blessed exception of the online world.

His birth father has never been a part of his life, and he has mourned this loss for years as well as craved for the existence of a man who he could call “Dad’. Over this time of constant, almost daily correspondence with him through emails, IM’s and his personal online diary that he shared with me, he came to look at me like a father.

And I, my friends, have found a son. A beautiful young man so full of energy and life, but it’s all trapped inside him because he’s not had a safe place to let it out. A boy with honesty, sincerity, and open-mindedness, and one who is so much wiser than his years. Yet again, unable to show these virtues to the world, because he is trapped in this situation called “youth” with a manipulative, unstable mother who has everyone around her wrapped around her proverbial little finger.

I will be bringing my son to live with my wife, Lillian, and I in the next 1-3 months (once he’s 18 and dependent on decisions about school). He’ll have a home, with support and love. He’ll have many wonderful transmen for fellowship and support, as I have been blessed with these men in my life here in Phoenix.

He’ll be finishing school, finding a job, getting medical assistance. He’ll be doing chores, not staying up all hours of the night playing on the computer. He’ll be attending every single FtM meeting, group, and get-together there is here in Phoenix. He’ll be able to begin his physical transition to become seen as the man he and I know that he is. He’ll learn what it is to go to work even when he doesn’t feel like it, and he’ll keep the job even if it sucks, until he’s found an alternative. He’ll learn how to budget, and how to save. He’ll learn what priorities in life are all about.

He’ll “hang out” with another young man I mentor locally, as I’ve introduced them and they correspond online. They are a few months difference in age. They are both just starting out in their journeys to manhood, and have each other to lean on. My local boy is newly on testosterone, and will be able to share the joys of being with someone else just starting out.

Most of all, he’ll learn that he is loved, and that he is a worthwhile person. He’ll learn that he is not responsible for the wrongdoings of others, and be released from the guilt that he’s taken upon himself because of them. He’ll learn that he is not a freak, that he is a beautiful person with much to share and give to others.

I look within myself, and I see how far I’ve come, how much I’ve grown, since I began mentoring these two young men, and corresponding with others like them. I look at my involvement with TransYouth Family Allies, and I see how much I’ve changed. For a man who never wanted children, never spent any time with kids of any age – to having a passion, a fire burning inside, to wanting, no, NEEDING, to support these young men and others who are just beginning their lives in their true genders. To see them have the opportunities and chances that I didn’t have.

I have seen so much of myself in them, so much of the pain of my own youth, and I cannot imagine NOT being there for these kids. They need nothing more than someone to love them, to support them, to give them tough love and to hold them when they cry. They need someone to respect them as a person, as the individual they are, with their own thoughts and feelings and pressures around them. Someone who will be proud of them and say so, instead of laughing in their face, or kicking them out of their home.

I can’t save all the kids in the world, but I can start with these young people who have ventured into my life, and hopefully give them the tools and the means to grow into young adulthood, be happy in and of  themselves, and proud of who they are.

Seize the day!
Michael

Someone asked me yesterday if there was anything they should be aware of during the recovery period after chest reconstruction surgery. Besides following all of the post-op instructions that will be given to you, here is what I found to be the most important instruction of all.

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The most important thing during recovery is to have EVERYTHING that you possibly need to get to down at waist-chest level – nothing higher, nothing lower. You will be up doing things within a few days, but your arm motion will be very restricted for a few weeks. Reaching up to get a plate or a can from the upper cupboards is a no-no. Reaching down is also not good. Put everything you need on the counters and kitchen table. Food, plates, coffee, etc. Rearrange the fridge to put the most accessed items at the top level (assuming you have to bend down to get into it, (freezer on top))

You CANNOT lift anything until your doc says it’s ok. I’m sure you’ll THINK you can, you’ll want to – but No. We’re talking 3-4 weeks for sure. If you’re stuck with drains in for a few days, it’s a hassle. Just be careful with them. They are the most annoying part of the whole thing, I think.

Wear easy on/off clothing – no stretching of your arms to get into Tshirts the first days/week or two. Open front shirts are best.

Seize the day!
 Michael

I am writing this in response to an article written by David Crary from the Associated Press. The article can be found here:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081224/ap_on_re_us/obama_gays

What Melissa wrote and quoted in the article sums up my feelings on this whole Warren business:

“Before we change minds we must change hearts,” Etheridge wrote. “Maybe in our anger, as we consider marches and boycotts, perhaps we can consider stretching out our hands.”

I don’t agree at all with Obama choosing Warren, but I choose to look at the overall picture. Having the Lesbian and Gay Band is a positive statement for our community. Choosing Warren is a positive statement for their (“fundamental Christians”) community.

Why should it be all about the GLBT community? It’s about PEOPLE. We all have our likes and dislikes, our individual political stances, our own causes, our own beliefs. We will never ALL agree. Period.

Yes – I’m a part of the GLBT community, and I stand up for my rights and the rights of our community. I am out at certain protests and rallies. But I’m not going to stoop to the level of HATE like they have done.

Just my .02 cents for early this Christmas Eve day.

Seize the day!
 Michael