For us transmen, the top surgery, I believe, is the most important milestone (after the testosterone). Speaking for myself, I’m a little guy, but I had those darned BIG protrusions sticking out of my chest. When I say big, I mean large DD’s, on a guy only 5′4″ tall.
Binding is probably THE MOST uncomfortable thing a human being can do to themselves. Add this to the Arizona heat, and it is a nightmare. Not only due we wear the compression vest (after pretzel-ing ourselves INTO it, arms splayed in contortions we never dreamed of), we then put on an undershirt, followed by a loose fitting over-shirt. Try that sometime in 115 degrees.
Even with facial hair, and the physical changes our faces go through, even if we can “pass” in public, (which we do fairly quickly, easily, and without many problems), for those of us C cup and larger, we STILL have the issue of not being able to effectively hide our “liabilities”. Even the smaller guys still have to bind, so I’m not saying it’s easy for them, just not as difficult – but the same emotional aspect exists.
We can’t just, for instance, go for a swim with the guys, because – well, you got it – guys don’t swim with 3 layers of shirts on. We can’t remove our outer shirts when it gets warmer, or wear the tank tops like the other guys. We can’t go to the gym and dress in front of other men, we have to either already be in our gym clothes, and leave sweaty, or find a private corner, or time when the gym’s not so busy.
We ask questions, we research, we find out every single, little tiny detail of what the surgery will be like, coming out of it, recovery, and life afterward. We celebrate with each other, congratulate each other, envy those who have had the surgery, support those who haven’t. We point the pre-ops to the best affordable binders, and pass our used binders along to those who cannot afford the new ones.
You get the picture. Our top surgery is THE surgery that is the most cherished, the most valued, the most emotionally and mentally satisfying aspect of our transition. We count the days to the surgery. We let everyone know, every day, just how many days left until we get these two problems off our chests.
We have our surgery – we wake up from the anesthesia, and immediately look DOWN – and whaddaya know? It’s FLAT! We rejoice in our drug-induced state, we SMILE, we utter unintelligible words describing our excitement of knowing that we are MEN. We will put on our shirts (of course we all go out and buy new dress shirts) and we see that they fit CORRECTLY for the first time, and for the rest of our lives.
My first words out of surgery? I was told I kept asking “how much?” over and over, until they FINALLY figured out I wanted to know how much they weighed! I guess I needed to know I’d lost weight or sumthin’, I dunno. What I DO know is that I was a MAN that day - (a transman, yes) – and NO ONE could ever take that away from me.
Seize the day!
Michael
Michael
Michael,
What a delighful post! Your sense of humor is refreshing as I count the months until my “liberation”. You bet I will be asking “how much?” because it will be some kind of record. These chesticles I posess have fallen ages ago..and resemble two very healthy eggplants..then there is the latest rage in female plastic sugery…removing the ‘Bach Fat’. That’s the part of your body wrapping around from your armpit(a contiuation of the very large chesticles)along the so called bra line. In my case it needs to go to compliment the chest contour and lessen the “dog ears”. Can we say Liposuction!
And then there are the granny flapping dangling upper arm thingies. No matter how much weight release you achieve..this area ‘ain’t one of them’.
The procedure will cut an incision about 2-3 inches and more liposuction.
There will be compression garments in my life for a few months ( basically a shirt with sleeves to my mid forearm. ) There is a chance my upper body work out will be cutailed for a while so I will concentrate on lower body and core.
Oh Happy Day when it is all said and done. I agree..it is the most liberating part of the process matched with T.
Oliver