Pride – Freakish or Fun

I’ve always been a big one for gay pride marches, especially when there’s a bit of trans* pride in them as well, and although I’ve only been to one so far, I love the atmosphere, and I plan to get myself to two this year, so imagine my surprise when a transwoman said that she felt they were freakish.

I can sort of understand her perspective, taking a step back – it’s taking sexuality (or gender identity, but I’m focussing on sexuality right now) and running through a town absolutely parading it for everyone and anyone to see, and  I can understand why some people might prefer that it was kept private, “what you do in the bedroom is your own affair”, but calling it freakish did seem like a step too far, to say that to dress flamboyantly for a day, and parade in public for your equal rights was making yourself into a freak.

A freak, in this context, is somebody who is visibly different from the norm, but surely in this case a straight person at pride would be the ‘freak’ (I say, flippantly) because most people are there because they’re… guess what? Gay and Proud. I don’t think being gay is a particular achievement honestly, so I can see why people would be a bit leery of the idea of being proud of it, but for so long in Western culture it’s been presented as something to be ashamed of that maybe it’s right for one day to wear it proudly.

The other irritation was that this transwoman didn’t seem to realise that if being gay and wearing not-a-lot, or wearing bright colours or feathers in public was freakish, ebcause it wasn’t normal, what about being a male bodied person wearing female clothes? Surely, by her definition, that’s just as abnormal.

She went on to rant about activists. I am an activist, I don’t want to hide who I am, I want to pave the path for other people, that they might transition more easily. I’m only alive and sane now because other people have paved that path for me, and in turn I want to do it for others, I want to be a father figure to young transboys just finding their feet in the same way Michael has done for me.

To be a freak is to be abnormal. To be abnormal is deviating from the average. Surely transpeople do that in a way that few others do? And maybe it is something to be proud of, that we have the confidence and self assurance that we can walk through the streets saying “This is who I am, and you know what? I’m not going to change that”.

I was asked if I wanted to spend my life standing in the spotlight, or trying to be as normal as possible, and do you know what? I want to spotlight it, I want to do everything I can for the next generation of GBLTQ children to have it as easy as possible. If that means that my life is a level the harder, then so be it, I’ll do that, to ease it a bit more for the ones who come after.

Being “stealth” means very different things to different people. You get some people who choose to be stealth, and see the bounds of that as telling their partner, but nobody else, whereas other people can see being stealth as not wearing the transgender logo on every single item of clothing, or maybe not shouting it from the rooftops. There is quite a noticeable divide in the trans* community between people who think being stealth is a good idea, and what should be aimed for, by any self-respecting trans person, and people who consider it cowardice, and denying ones heritage. I’m not out fully, but in areas where I present male, I’m typically not stealth, but more about that later.

I think that the trans* community is one that’s open to divides occuring (I’ve got another blog planned regarding those divides), but I think this one is an odd one.

From a stealth perspective, looking at people who are not stealth

• They aren’t assimilating, they are displaying their trans* status, therefore they are not proper men/women (the assumption that goes along with this is that to be a “real” man or woman, one should wish to hide the fact that one might have a different biological make-up to others)
• They make it harder for the rest of us to pass, because people are more aware of trans* people (on the other hand, they raise awareness, which helps when people want information or understanding, and surely people transition to be themselves anyway, not to help or hinder others passing)
• They just want the attention of being different (it seems a rather risky sort of attention to crave)

From the perspective of people who are not stealth, looking at people who are stealth

• They are ashamed of being trans*, and are hiding (choosing to protect oneself by not disclosing ones biological make-up and chromasomes does not equal being ashamed of it)
• They are doing nothing to help the next generation of trans* people (transitioning carries no obligation to help other trans* people)
• They are making things harder for themselves by not accepting that there is a difference between them and cispeople (to a lot of people genitals are irrelevant, so it might seem as if, on a day to day basis, there really is no difference between a trans* person and a cis person)

I’ve seen all those points made, from people who I had always tended to think were considered and rational, and it feels like in taking sides in this debate, people are ignoring the basic fact, that you transition because you need to for yourself. Transitioning is a basic selfish act, and that there is nobody who has the right to tell you to hide it or exploit it, any more than anyone else has the right to tell you to transition, or not to transition.

The reason I came to write this blog was because everywhere online that I interact as James Alexander Casimir Greyson, as a man, I internact as a transman. Or, should I say, everywhere except one place, where my boyfriend introduced me to his cisguy friend as male, not seeing the need to mention what was in my pants. However, we progressed to swapping photos of ourselves in varying levels of dress (or lack thereof) and I was shocked, astounded, surprised that the cisguy friend never stopped to realise that I wasn’t a cisguy, and hence that he’d seen me in boxers alone, and still seen me as male, not as trans*, but as male. (He hasn’t figured out that I’m a transguy yet even). This is my first experience at being stealth, and I’m not sure I like it, for myself it feels uncomfortably decietful, that he doesn’t know.

Does there honestly need to be a divide between people who choose to leave their trans* identity behind them, and people who don’t? I’ve seen some people who pass amazingly, and choose still to be relatively stealth, and I’ve seen people who are totally stealth do activism, and successfully. The community seems almost, as a whole, to seek out petty divides within itself, and cause argument for the sake of causing argument, for the sake of showing that everyone who is not identical to themselves is weird.

I will never be a “normal” man. I will never have a “normal” penis. I will never have XY chromasomes, I will never have had primary male socialization. What a lucky guy I am, I’ve got to grow up experiencing female socialisation, I get to have XX chromasomes, I’m lucky enough to have a sensate chest, to be able to bear children, and maybe I need to remember these benefits, rather than considering whether I’ll display or hide my differences. They’re still a part of me, whether I accept or reject them.

By  thinkMTV

1. ACT: Educate yourself about discrimination. There are countless ways to get involved. Check out some ways to promote tolerance in your life:

Ideas for Yourself
Ideas for Your Home
Ideas for Your School
Ideas for Your Workplace
Ideas for Your Community

2. SPEAK UP: Discriminatory actions and speech should be exposed and denounced. Speak up when you hear offensive jokes or slurs. Let people know that biased speech is never acceptable.
Using your voice, however, can be difficult and uncomfortable to do. Learn how to speak up no matter what situation you’re in.

Respond to a bigoted comment
10 ways to fight hate
101 Tools for tolerance
Respond to hate at school
Learn the Lingo

3. UNITE: Get involved with the existing groups in your community that promote diversity and fight discrimination. If these groups don’t exist, encourage those around you to form one. Don’t wait for someone else to take action. You and a few friends could be the catalyst for change.

4. BE A LEADER: Work with teachers, principals, politicians and community leaders. Working with the people in charge can be a great way to get more done. Discourage the use of discriminatory ideals and practices. Acknowledge and celebrate the diverse leaders in your community. Invite these leaders to speak to their communities about their experiences with discrimination. Urge and help leaders to promote tolerance, equality, and opportunity.

5. DIG DEEPER: Explore your own prejudices and stereotypes. Where do you fit in? Seek out books with diverse characters and themes. Reading can be a good way to learn about the lives of people whose experiences are much different than your own.

Just by becoming aware of the words we use, we can begin to change the way we think about each other and our differences. Consider the language we use and the power it has to affect the ways we organize our world and each other. The words we choose are often a subconscious way we communicate and perpetuate discrimination.

Learn how we diminish people’s importance by comparing them unequally, even when we don’t realize it. (PDF)By assuming things based on “norms,” we perpetuate stereotypes. (PDF) Observations often carry a positive or negative point of view, even if we think we are getting just the facts. This point of view can have a huge impact on what we think and repeat as truth. (PDF)

Source (copyright):  http://think.mtv.com/044FDFFFF0002D79C001A00989991/