I find myself needing to comment on the issue of bathroom usage after reading a recent blog post which can be found here: ( When Does “Sex” Matter to Trans People )

I know this may seem like I’m “behind the times” in this issue, but until one has actually experienced a situation, one cannot necessarily make an “informed decision” about how they feel about it.

“…sex segregation of restrooms is largely a matter of social convention, not law”

The conclusion of the bathroom issue down further in the blog posting was:

“In other words, if you’re presenting as a woman, you use a women’s restroom, and vice versa, regardless of your physical sex. Any other solution quickly becomes too complex and confusing to administer and enforce. Implementing that solution will, however, require the American public to just “get over” their hang-ups about the sex or gender of the person in the stall next to them.”

Interesting thing happened to me this past weekend, I spoke about it to some of those who were there. I’ve since thought about it quite deeply, as I realized the impact this situation had on me. The following is my personal introspective look at the situation.

I am a 48 year old transman. I’ve been using male bathrooms since my transition. I had never had the occasion to use a “gender neutral” bathroom until last weekend, although I’ve heard of them, thought to myself that this was a viable solution to the “bathroom issue”, and even actively promoted them.

I walked in to a “gender neutral” bathroom at the Transgender Leadership Summit, and a transwoman followed close behind. This particular bathroom was equipped with 3 stalls. I chose one on the end. She chose the one beside me.

Keep in mind that I know this woman both as a friend, and professionally. Now, I happen to be one of those guys that sits down to pee. I’m usually conscious of this when using the men’s room, as are many transmen.

Though it’s none of my freakin’ business, I happened to notice that she sits down to pee too. If I had not seen her come in with me, and she had simply entered after I was already in the stall, I have to admit that I would have mentally noted that 1) she sat down and 2) she had women’s shoes on, therefore, she was the “opposite” gender.

Once we were on our way out of the bathroom, we both commented to each other on the “oddity” of the situation. It was her first time, also, of using a “gender neutral” bathroom.

Socially, we have all become accustomed to either “male” or “female” constrictions with bathroom use. We aren’t at all prepared to mentally wrap our brains around peeing in a public stall next to the “opposite” gender.

Funny, though, we do it in our private lives, with our families, our spouses. Many of us grew up with brothers and sisters, and peeing with the bathroom door open was not uncommon.

At what point did social constrictions take over and dig their way so deeply into our brains,  that we, as trans people, find this becomes an “uncomfortable” situation sharing a bathroom with others like ourselves?

Why was it even a situation for me to create the “mental notes” I spoke of earlier? I’m almost appalled at myself, and am ashamed that I felt that feeling of “oddity” in the situation.

We all went through the same fears, the same uncomfortable-ness when we first began transition and started using the opposite bathroom we’d always used. We all know how “strange” it was to walk into these small public spaces amongst our peers and share the intimacies of peeing next to each other.

We have no idea what’s in the pants or skirt of the person in the stall next to us, despite what gender they present/express.  And who really cares? We’re all in the bathroom for the exact same reason – to eliminate. Period. It’s a normal, human function.

I had to reevaulate and redistribute my own way of thinking and looking at this issue. I realize I had to “get over” my own “social constrictions” that had been built over a lifetime of indoctrination, and realize that we are all “just human”.

Why should I CARE who is peeing next to me? After all, I’m only in there a couple of minutes, it’s not a social situation, and we all have to do it.

I have come to the conclusion that I still believe “gender neutral” bathrooms should become the “norm”.

I also believe, although it will take much time, many years in fact, that educating the general public, as well as the trans community, is something imperative and a “must do” in order to break down these “socially constrictive barriers” to living our lives comfortably and safely.

Social constrictions suck. That’s my take on the matter.

Seize the day!
Michael B.

Update: Just moments after I published this, I read an article on theParliament.com (EU) which could certainly bring up some debates/discussions here in the transgender community, so thought I’d pass it along for those of you who have not read it yet. MEP’s call for ‘gender neutral; guide to be withdrawn