This idea was sparked off by Kiunna’s wonderful post on “I think trannies worry far too much about passing”.

What is ‘passing’ in a trans* context? I’m trying to work this out for myself. Or, more, I know what it is (being read as the gender you identify as) but I can see two rather distinct problems with it:
*What if you identify as non-binary? People don’t typically think “ah, they’re an androgyne” and address you with the title Mx, or at least, not where I live.
*How do you know when you are passing? It can be pretty obvious, ie if you’re called “sir” or “ma-am” in a shop, but as a transguy I get paranoid that I’m not passing if someone holds a door open for me. It seems to be pretty hard to identify whether you’re being read as male or female most of the time, unless people are helpful enough to tell you. I was about to write how much I wished that English had more gendered words, had three genders, male, female, neuter, but then I thought about my pesky French lessons, and how hard I find it knowing whether I want to use the female ending or the male ending. I’ll argue that there are indeed some advantages to a language where you know instantly if you’re being read as male or female, but I think those might be outweighed by the awkwardnesses.

Sometimes I feel tempted to get or make a t-shirt saying “I’m a goddamn boy” so that at least people can see and know, but that would bring its own issues, that starting to pass has certainly brought – parents. I’m officially out to them, but I’m living as if in the closet due to their reactions, and it’s getting rather awkward when I pass maybe 40% of the time.

It’s also hard to know sometimes how to pass, or what I need to do. Growing a beard might be one way of quickly and easily managing it, but that takes testosterone, and I’m rather short on that in my system. Maybe asking people that know me would help. Since I had a new haircut (a mohawk) I pass rather better, but I think that’s more down to me walking a lot more confidently, and seeming a lot more self-assured, because I have a haircut that screams “look, see?!” and I need to seem vaguely confident to pull it off.

I’m finding this whole being pre-everything lark quite depressing honestly. A lot of my total body-hate has come flooding back recently, even with a wonderful boyfriend that does succeed in making me feel attractive, and I’ve needed a lot of support from him, and from Michael (who I now call ‘dad’). Self-medication was a consideration, but it’s not something I’m going to do at the moment, although I’ll keep it in reserve as an option, I just find that it’s hard to keep going in the same old patterns of being read as female. I’m hoping to re-enroll as male in college next year, as James, but that depends on my parents. When will my life even be my life? I don’t know. Maybe I need to work more on passing, maybe passing instead of failing would help me more.

Thing is, I don’t have any real confidence deep down, and maybe that’s what stops me passing, that I’m too shy, or that I might walk like a girl, or my height, or my voice, or my face shape. Or maybe Kiunna’s right, and us trannies do worry too much about passing

Being “stealth” means very different things to different people. You get some people who choose to be stealth, and see the bounds of that as telling their partner, but nobody else, whereas other people can see being stealth as not wearing the transgender logo on every single item of clothing, or maybe not shouting it from the rooftops. There is quite a noticeable divide in the trans* community between people who think being stealth is a good idea, and what should be aimed for, by any self-respecting trans person, and people who consider it cowardice, and denying ones heritage. I’m not out fully, but in areas where I present male, I’m typically not stealth, but more about that later.

I think that the trans* community is one that’s open to divides occuring (I’ve got another blog planned regarding those divides), but I think this one is an odd one.

From a stealth perspective, looking at people who are not stealth

• They aren’t assimilating, they are displaying their trans* status, therefore they are not proper men/women (the assumption that goes along with this is that to be a “real” man or woman, one should wish to hide the fact that one might have a different biological make-up to others)
• They make it harder for the rest of us to pass, because people are more aware of trans* people (on the other hand, they raise awareness, which helps when people want information or understanding, and surely people transition to be themselves anyway, not to help or hinder others passing)
• They just want the attention of being different (it seems a rather risky sort of attention to crave)

From the perspective of people who are not stealth, looking at people who are stealth

• They are ashamed of being trans*, and are hiding (choosing to protect oneself by not disclosing ones biological make-up and chromasomes does not equal being ashamed of it)
• They are doing nothing to help the next generation of trans* people (transitioning carries no obligation to help other trans* people)
• They are making things harder for themselves by not accepting that there is a difference between them and cispeople (to a lot of people genitals are irrelevant, so it might seem as if, on a day to day basis, there really is no difference between a trans* person and a cis person)

I’ve seen all those points made, from people who I had always tended to think were considered and rational, and it feels like in taking sides in this debate, people are ignoring the basic fact, that you transition because you need to for yourself. Transitioning is a basic selfish act, and that there is nobody who has the right to tell you to hide it or exploit it, any more than anyone else has the right to tell you to transition, or not to transition.

The reason I came to write this blog was because everywhere online that I interact as James Alexander Casimir Greyson, as a man, I internact as a transman. Or, should I say, everywhere except one place, where my boyfriend introduced me to his cisguy friend as male, not seeing the need to mention what was in my pants. However, we progressed to swapping photos of ourselves in varying levels of dress (or lack thereof) and I was shocked, astounded, surprised that the cisguy friend never stopped to realise that I wasn’t a cisguy, and hence that he’d seen me in boxers alone, and still seen me as male, not as trans*, but as male. (He hasn’t figured out that I’m a transguy yet even). This is my first experience at being stealth, and I’m not sure I like it, for myself it feels uncomfortably decietful, that he doesn’t know.

Does there honestly need to be a divide between people who choose to leave their trans* identity behind them, and people who don’t? I’ve seen some people who pass amazingly, and choose still to be relatively stealth, and I’ve seen people who are totally stealth do activism, and successfully. The community seems almost, as a whole, to seek out petty divides within itself, and cause argument for the sake of causing argument, for the sake of showing that everyone who is not identical to themselves is weird.

I will never be a “normal” man. I will never have a “normal” penis. I will never have XY chromasomes, I will never have had primary male socialization. What a lucky guy I am, I’ve got to grow up experiencing female socialisation, I get to have XX chromasomes, I’m lucky enough to have a sensate chest, to be able to bear children, and maybe I need to remember these benefits, rather than considering whether I’ll display or hide my differences. They’re still a part of me, whether I accept or reject them.

Article from wikiHow

When changing to the gender you want to be, it can someones be hard to keep your own individual style, especially if you are pre-T. Here are a few tips for a female to pass off as a male and still keep their scene/emo style!

Steps

1. Accept that you will not be able to do a lot of the fashion things other emo guys do.
2. Pack. A store-bought packer is best, but if you are low on money a sock will work (but if someone gropes you, you’re screwed.)
3. Get a good binder. You will need something tight enough to thoroughly compress your breasts enough for tight clothing, while still being comfortable. It should also be discreet. Underworks sells some great binders that are discreet and comfortable. Try the ones that are intended for use as outerwear but wear them under the shirt. T-Kingdom also sells good and discreet binders.
4. Make sure your shirts are not too tight. Even the best binder will show a bit of breasts and you should probably go with moderate to tight fit if you’re an A or a B cup, moderate if you are a C or a D cup, and baggy-ish if you are very large. However, if you are very flat, go with tight.
5. Hide your breasts. If you are naturally flat or your binder flattens you out perfectly, which it probably won’t, then that’s great. But most of the time, you need to cover it up. Vests and hoodies are great for this.
6. Make sure your jeans do not feminize you. If you are lucky enough to have slim hips and a flattish butt, you can wear girl jeans and tight jeans. However, if you have a feminine butt or wide hips, you might have to settle for looser pants. One good way to keep it emo is to keep the pelvis area of the pants loose, while tightening the legs. Definitely wear black; it will slim everything out. If you are medium hip-wise, you can probably wear tight jeans as long as they are black. No matter what your hip and butt size are, pinstripes are good because they both slenderize and increase your height. Tear up your jeans, since that’s a more masculine thing.
7. Lose some weight if you are heavy or moderate. It can help slim your hips and butt out, as well as shrink your breasts. If you are slim, don’t, because excessive thinness will feminize a bit. Make sure to lose weight in a healthy way.
8. Wear thick rimmed glasses. These will masculinize your face. Pick glasses that suit your face. This is often the opposite of what glasses suit someone who identifies with females. If you have a square or rectangular face, go with round to provide contrast to your angles. If you have a round or oval face, wear rectangular glasses.
9. Build up muscle. Even though being muscular is not a particularly scene thing, it can really help with passing. While extreme muscles will look strange, a bit of toning really helps. At least try to build up your shoulder since guys generally have broader shoulders.
10. Be very careful with makeup. If you use it correctly, make up can help you pass. For example, if you have very large eyes, black eyeliner applied to the inside of your lid could make them look smaller. Adding some foundation to your lips could make them less rosy and thus more masculine. Shading in your eyebrows with an eyepencil will make them look thicker and therefore more masculine. Don’t pluck them unless they are extremely thick to the point of being very unnattractive. Skip the mascara, however, since longer eyelashes definitely feminize faces. If your face is masculine or androgynous, you might be able to wear eyeliner normally. Don’t use an elaborate design however, since it’s mostly the emo girls who do that. If you have a somewhat masculine face, you could wear eyeshadow. However, stick with darker colors such as black, gray, and dark red, unless your face is truly masculine, in which you could wear brighter shades of pink and red. Most FTMs can wear nailpolish, as long as it is black. Avoid any make up but foundation and cover up if your face is very feminine.
11. Wear a more masculine emo hairstyle. Even though long hair is very attractive, it will feminize you, unless you have a masculine face, which you probably don’t. You probably won’t be able to get away with hair that goes past your chin. Styles with spikes can look masculine, since girls don’t normally have them. Very strait hair is also a good idea because curls and waves feminize faces, as well as not being particularly scene. Frullets, hair that is short in the back and long in the front, are both moderately masculine and extremely emo, especially if you spike the back a bit. Shaggy hair can work if you have an masculine face or androgynous face, however it can be a problem if your face is feminine. If you have a very feminine face, you might have to go with a very masculine emo style, such as a fauxhawk or something similar to Pete Wentz. Colorwise, you should probably avoid pink unless your face is very masculine. Additionally, light blonde on it’s own is not a good idea, because it is mostly the scene girls who wear it. However, streaked with black hair, it can look okay. Avoid brown and blonde combinations, as they are also mostly seen on scene girls. Black and red is a good choice, however, because it’s somewhat unusual on emo girls.
12. Wear clothing that will make you look taller. Pinstripes are good, as well as the color black. Go monocromatic if you are short, since having a shirt a different color than the pants splits the body and shortens it. Platform boots will also make you look taller. You can also try shoes with lifters on the inside. Remember: the taller you look, the less likely people will think you are a girl.
13. Relax when people mistake you for a girl or can’t tell if you’re a boy or a girl. This happens to a lot of guys, especially emo and scene kids. However, it is especially painful for a FTM, since we’ve gone our whole lives being mistaken for girls. Remember: this happens to biological males too.
14. Wear masculinizing accesories. Anything with spikes looks masculine. Arm warmers and armbands that have horizontal stripes on them are great, because they make your bone structure look bigger. Gauntlets also help make your bonestructure look larger and the spikes look masculine. Belts with interestign buckles draw attention to your crotch, so wear them if you’re packing and don’t if you’re not. Ties are good because most women don’t wear them. They also make a vertical line, thus making you look taller. For the same reason, scarves are great. Fingerless gloves are androgynous and also make you look more scene. Avoid wearing bandanas on your head since they are feminizing. On your neck or on your wrist is fine though.
15. Choose your piercings carefully. Gauge your ears if you pierce them, unless your face is masculine or androgynous. Don’t wear monroes or belly button piercings unless your face is definitely masculine. Avoid nostril or cheek piercings piercings if your face is feminine. Septum piercings are masculinizing, though very painful. No matter how feminine or masculine your face is, eyebrow and lip piercings are great and will help you look scener, while still not feminizing your face.
16. Use male body language. Women generally take up less space, while men take up more. Spread your legs apart and if you cross your legs, do it in a square style. Also, cross your arms higher than you usually would, since women cross their arms lower
17. Avoid stereotypes. Not every FTM is a macho man. FTMs come in as many varieties and levels of masculinity as biological males. There are artsy transmen, intellectual transmen and even effeminate transmen. You don’t have to be strait either; it’s perfectly okay to like men. Sexual orientation and gender orientation are not related. There are plenty of gay and bisexual transsexuals. Be yourself and don’t try to be more masculine just because the media tells you to be.

Tips

• Go out in your local town with a few best friends, dressed as a male, tell them what you’re trying to do and to be serious about it, it may be shocking how differently you will be treated as a male!
• If you’re brave, try the make-up that the scene/emo males wear, but be careful, it may make you look too feminine.
• If wearing any makeup, or girl jeans makes you uncomfortable, don’t do it. Transsexual men differ from the other guys because we have spent our lives being treated like girls and are sometimes traumatized from it.
• Some very useful links
•   http://ftm.underworks.com/
• http://www.t-kingdom.com/ (the prices look very alarming because they are in Taiwan currency, so use a currency converter)
• http://www.mangoproducts.net/ (Warning: contains images of phallic shaped packers)
•   http://www.ftmguide.org/
•   http://www.emobucket.com/

Warnings

• When compressing your breasts please be careful, you may find your chest tight, and as well as the tight clothes, remember your breasts have to go somewhere. Take all restricting clothes off immediately if you feel breathless. I recommend you NOT to try this if you have breathing difficulties.
• Be prepared to deal with bigotry, from gays and straits alike. Transsexual rights have a long way to go.
• Never bind with tape or an ace bandage. Those are very dangerous methods and can even lead to death.