Being “stealth” means very different things to different people. You get some people who choose to be stealth, and see the bounds of that as telling their partner, but nobody else, whereas other people can see being stealth as not wearing the transgender logo on every single item of clothing, or maybe not shouting it from the rooftops. There is quite a noticeable divide in the trans* community between people who think being stealth is a good idea, and what should be aimed for, by any self-respecting trans person, and people who consider it cowardice, and denying ones heritage. I’m not out fully, but in areas where I present male, I’m typically not stealth, but more about that later.

I think that the trans* community is one that’s open to divides occuring (I’ve got another blog planned regarding those divides), but I think this one is an odd one.

From a stealth perspective, looking at people who are not stealth

• They aren’t assimilating, they are displaying their trans* status, therefore they are not proper men/women (the assumption that goes along with this is that to be a “real” man or woman, one should wish to hide the fact that one might have a different biological make-up to others)
• They make it harder for the rest of us to pass, because people are more aware of trans* people (on the other hand, they raise awareness, which helps when people want information or understanding, and surely people transition to be themselves anyway, not to help or hinder others passing)
• They just want the attention of being different (it seems a rather risky sort of attention to crave)

From the perspective of people who are not stealth, looking at people who are stealth

• They are ashamed of being trans*, and are hiding (choosing to protect oneself by not disclosing ones biological make-up and chromasomes does not equal being ashamed of it)
• They are doing nothing to help the next generation of trans* people (transitioning carries no obligation to help other trans* people)
• They are making things harder for themselves by not accepting that there is a difference between them and cispeople (to a lot of people genitals are irrelevant, so it might seem as if, on a day to day basis, there really is no difference between a trans* person and a cis person)

I’ve seen all those points made, from people who I had always tended to think were considered and rational, and it feels like in taking sides in this debate, people are ignoring the basic fact, that you transition because you need to for yourself. Transitioning is a basic selfish act, and that there is nobody who has the right to tell you to hide it or exploit it, any more than anyone else has the right to tell you to transition, or not to transition.

The reason I came to write this blog was because everywhere online that I interact as James Alexander Casimir Greyson, as a man, I internact as a transman. Or, should I say, everywhere except one place, where my boyfriend introduced me to his cisguy friend as male, not seeing the need to mention what was in my pants. However, we progressed to swapping photos of ourselves in varying levels of dress (or lack thereof) and I was shocked, astounded, surprised that the cisguy friend never stopped to realise that I wasn’t a cisguy, and hence that he’d seen me in boxers alone, and still seen me as male, not as trans*, but as male. (He hasn’t figured out that I’m a transguy yet even). This is my first experience at being stealth, and I’m not sure I like it, for myself it feels uncomfortably decietful, that he doesn’t know.

Does there honestly need to be a divide between people who choose to leave their trans* identity behind them, and people who don’t? I’ve seen some people who pass amazingly, and choose still to be relatively stealth, and I’ve seen people who are totally stealth do activism, and successfully. The community seems almost, as a whole, to seek out petty divides within itself, and cause argument for the sake of causing argument, for the sake of showing that everyone who is not identical to themselves is weird.

I will never be a “normal” man. I will never have a “normal” penis. I will never have XY chromasomes, I will never have had primary male socialization. What a lucky guy I am, I’ve got to grow up experiencing female socialisation, I get to have XX chromasomes, I’m lucky enough to have a sensate chest, to be able to bear children, and maybe I need to remember these benefits, rather than considering whether I’ll display or hide my differences. They’re still a part of me, whether I accept or reject them.