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I use transgender myself but don’t have issues if transexual is used although I think it’s become archaic.
There is a list of things I always make sure that I share with potential partners during the initial conversation.
I identify as lesbian (stone femme to be precise)
I am most attracted to butch lesbians or transmen but also other femmes born female of not.
I am polyamourous
Most likely when I get comfortable with someone I’ll naturally be the “follower” & differ to them. I stay away from words like submissive because of the S&M kind of connotations.
If during that original conversation they haven’t mentioned it I make sure to tell them I am a transwoman. I really have had people sit through the entire litany & somehow not recognize it.
That’s just me & my perspective. When it comes down to it all of this is just labeling. As I mentioned, from what you are telling us, where you identify would all be well within my spectrum of attraction.
Hi Antoinette,
How do transmen respond when you approach them? Ever had anyone get offended that you call yourself a lesbian and then try to date them?
It’s a weird line isn’t it? I mean, they’re men. Female-bodied to varying extents, sure, but not really …womanly. How does that play out for you as a lesbian?
Just be nonchalanct about the whole thng. It’s not a big deal and you shouldn’t treat it like one.
If you’re in a relationship, it’s certainly not going to go anywhere if you’re hiding such a huge part of yourself from the other person. You need honesty in a relationship, seriously that’s like half of it.
(I prefer tranny.)
The questions of when to tell, how to tell, if to tell, have plagued trans people for decades. It can seem perplexing. Get it wrong and you could be rejected or worse end up as a statistic for the local homicide squad.
Personally, I’ve always been a fan of getting to know someone and becoming friends before deciding to date them. And when I do this, I don’t try to hide the skeletons in my closet, which hopefully creates an atmosphere of trust and open communication, which is crucial if you are to ever have a relationship anyway.
Sharing that you’re trans or that you are exploring trans issues doesn’t need to be the first thing out of your mouth (“Hi, I’m Joe and I’m transgender”), but it might be something to bring up once you’ve gotten to know the other person.
In your case, it sounds like now is a great time to open up to her. Getting started might be awkward, but generally if you speak from the heart, most people respond in kind. If you’re sure about transitioning, be honest about it. If you’re just exploring, be honest about that, too.
Don’t try to control her response. She may respond positively. She may not. You never know. But I would definitely address it before things get serious.
Peace out,
Dharma