abuse
activism
alienated
androgyny
bathrooms
beauty
belly button
bigender
bigots
binder
blending in
boi
boy
brainwashing
coming out
community
discrimination
emo
emotions
equality
Fake
family
father
FtM Specific Issues
fully-inclusive
Gay Activists Alliance
gay rights
gender
gender identity
gender neutral
God
hair
hate
history
Incomplete
lambda
Lying
mental health
midwestgenderqueer
miracle
Mirror
news
non-binary
nose hair
Obama
older transitioners
online networking
packer
parent
passing
personal
pink triangle
pride
relationships
respect
Rick Warren
scene
science
shaving
social constrictions
son
stealth
Stonewall
struggles
support
symbols
third gender
trans
transgender
Transition Stories
transman
transsexual
transyouth
young
tell your girl
my girlfriend, now fiancee is trans, she told me a few days into our relationship; being able to work through her transition together made all the difference.
I agree. Tell her before it gets too serious. I told my gf when we were 10 months in. I actually kept flirting with the idea, and brought it up to her a couple times as if it were a joke, but with doing that I got her honest opinion; she told me she fell in love with a girl not a guy, and couldn’t be with me if i did so
I recently decided to go through with transitioning. At first she felt as if i was lying to her, but over time she noticed this was a big thing for me and decided to help me through it. But i doubt we will go out when i start my transition, but at least I know where we stand… happy one year anniversary.
I use transgender myself but don’t have issues if transexual is used although I think it’s become archaic.
There is a list of things I always make sure that I share with potential partners during the initial conversation.
I identify as lesbian (stone femme to be precise)
I am most attracted to butch lesbians or transmen but also other femmes born female of not.
I am polyamourous
Most likely when I get comfortable with someone I’ll naturally be the “follower” & differ to them. I stay away from words like submissive because of the S&M kind of connotations.
If during that original conversation they haven’t mentioned it I make sure to tell them I am a transwoman. I really have had people sit through the entire litany & somehow not recognize it.
That’s just me & my perspective. When it comes down to it all of this is just labeling. As I mentioned, from what you are telling us, where you identify would all be well within my spectrum of attraction.
Hi Antoinette,
How do transmen respond when you approach them? Ever had anyone get offended that you call yourself a lesbian and then try to date them?
It’s a weird line isn’t it? I mean, they’re men. Female-bodied to varying extents, sure, but not really …womanly. How does that play out for you as a lesbian?
Just be nonchalanct about the whole thng. It’s not a big deal and you shouldn’t treat it like one.
If you’re in a relationship, it’s certainly not going to go anywhere if you’re hiding such a huge part of yourself from the other person. You need honesty in a relationship, seriously that’s like half of it.
(I prefer tranny.)
The questions of when to tell, how to tell, if to tell, have plagued trans people for decades. It can seem perplexing. Get it wrong and you could be rejected or worse end up as a statistic for the local homicide squad.
Personally, I’ve always been a fan of getting to know someone and becoming friends before deciding to date them. And when I do this, I don’t try to hide the skeletons in my closet, which hopefully creates an atmosphere of trust and open communication, which is crucial if you are to ever have a relationship anyway.
Sharing that you’re trans or that you are exploring trans issues doesn’t need to be the first thing out of your mouth (“Hi, I’m Joe and I’m transgender”), but it might be something to bring up once you’ve gotten to know the other person.
In your case, it sounds like now is a great time to open up to her. Getting started might be awkward, but generally if you speak from the heart, most people respond in kind. If you’re sure about transitioning, be honest about it. If you’re just exploring, be honest about that, too.
Don’t try to control her response. She may respond positively. She may not. You never know. But I would definitely address it before things get serious.
Peace out,
Dharma