It would’ve been really “odd” if there had been a small social event as you described. I’m glad it was just my friend and I for my first experience!

We are taught these social confines, like some are taught “gay” is bad, “trans” is perversion, “white” is superior to “black,” etc. Unlearning is the hardest part. Thanks for sharing!

I also have met lesbians who absolutely refuse to accept that a transwoman is female. I also have close women friends & a woman that I’m presently dating that won’t go into the women’s room at the same time that I am. Other women, het & lesbian for what that’s worth, that I know not as well of course do so as they would any other woman. Such an interesting lack of relational pattern as to who accepts or not this very common dynamic that is has become cliche’ The there’s the Michigan Woman’s Music Festival has institutionalized prejudice against transwomen.

For many L,G, & yes B people T is tacked on the end grudgingly acknowledging that we are part of the queer rainbow. The concept of our sexuality is a whole different conversation that I’ll spare you. Suffice it to say that I spend a great deal of my time explaining that the gender spectrum & the sexual identity spectrum are separate. That if I were to preform drag I would have to bind & glue on facial hair. Foremost, my kind of man was born female.

I got my church council to agree to relabeling our bathrooms as gender neutral. I explained that since we are an Open and Affirming United Church of Christ, we wouldn’t want anyone visiting us to be faced with the discomfort of wondering whether they are welcome to use the bathroom that is appropriate for them. I think they didn’t really understand the issue or think that was a likely circumstance, but also couldn’t think of any reason not to do it. Just like Dharma’s experience, I observe that everyone keeps using the originally gendered one. Including me, I note with some embarrassment.

When the formerly “women’s” toilet sprung a leak, I got to point out that it was not an immediate crisis requiring me to run for my plumbing tools, since we actually have two gender neutral toilets. Unintended benefits. When it was finally fixed, the report noted (a little sarcastically, I thought) “leak fixed in gender-neutral bathroom.”

During my transition, when I appeared fairly androgynous, perceptions of whether I was male or female could’ve gone either way in a person’s mind, I entered the male bathroom one evening.

One of the (gay male) bartenders followed me in, and adamantly stated that this was the “men’s” bathroom, and I’d have to go use the women’s. I explained that I was in transition, I was on testosterone, and received nothing but argument.

I asked him to consider the fact that the current “drag queens” in the bar, AS WELL AS, the transwomen who were also present, were all using the women’s bathroom, so it stood to reason that I should be using the men’s.

His answer? “This is the MEN’S room, the women’s bathroom is for all OTHERS”.

I burst into laughter at his obvious, blatant, ridiculous statement, and proceeded to go ahead and pee right in front of him. You should’ve seen his face! LOL

This was a gay man, someone you’d THINK (but we know better, don’t we fellow/sister trans people?) that he’d be a bit more open-minded and less socially stupid.

One thing I noted is that while the bathrooms were labeled “gender neutral”, the original gendered signs were still clearly visible. It was my observation that, despite the lifting of gender restrictions, people tended to use the bathrooms originally designated for their chosen gender. In other words, the vast majority of people in the “women’s” room were women (trans and cis) and vice versa.

I think this demonstrates that even when the legal segregation is lifted, the voluntary social segregation is still very much in place. I wonder what would have happened if the original gender signs were completely hidden. Would there have been more integration?